The joys and challenges of adult friendships

Lunch in Valparaíso, Chile - Girls trip 2018

I like to think we’re all a “work in progress” and constantly evolving, but if there is one thing about myself that hasn’t changed over the years, it is that I am loyal. Especially in friendships. I have not had a lot of close friends throughout my life but man, I’ve given them my all — and expected the same in return! Now in adult life, I can count my close friends on one hand (perhaps two).

Most of them are French and despite the distance, we’ve kept strong, loving bonds with each other. They are the friends I talk to on a daily basis (hello Ingrid and Clem!); they are my rocks and my soft blankets at the same time. Then, there are the friends I only speak to occasionally but it feels like yesterday every time I do: my long-time dance class tribe and my few friends from college. And… that’s about it! I told you, not too many — but oh so dear to my heart!

So when I moved to the US, I knew it would be important to build new, strong friendships again. I didn’t know if I would find the same joy and depth in them, but I was optimistic!

Luckily, my husband had a large group of friends which made it easy for me to meet new people and have a fun, social life. I had also met people from previous trips to Chicago, through outings, networking events and internships, and was enjoying spending time with them again a few times a year. 

But in all honesty, I quickly realized this was the one area in my life where I was struggling. It was hard to get to know the people on a deeper level. You know, talking feelings and all. A couple times, I felt I was building solid friendships, sharing personal things and dreams for the future, and out of the blue, the person would just stop talking to me. Either they slowly distanced themselves from me, or simply never replied to my texts or phone calls. I would spend weeks wondering: “What did I do? How can I make up for it?” until I finally realized the problem wasn’t anything I did — I simply had to move on. Has it happened to you too??

Luckily, along those few failed friendships, I’ve also met many wonderful people, American and immigrants, who have made my experience here so special. Especially one I’m forever grateful for. I met Molly at my first job interview in Chicago. We worked together for a year and that was the beginning of a friendship that is still going strong today. After six years of knowing each other, I’m thankful to have her help me navigate this American life of mine.

Building real friendships takes work, commitment and efforts, but is so worth it. I would not be where I am today without my girlfriends (and guy friends too!). They’ve made me laugh, cry, grow and embrace the journey of life.

Cheers to them all!